I’ve always been the type to do things alone & never ask for help. I assume this is the reason I struggle so often. I feel like a failure as it is but when I break down & ask for help I feel totally helpless not to mention a huge bother. Most of the time when I do ask I get a flat out no or a long excuse so I don’t bother asking. At this point in my life I need & want as much help as I can get but I am afraid to ask. This month I don’t know how rent will be paid, how daycare will be covered or if I even have child care for my infant son. I go back to work in just a few days but until I get a full paycheck things will be tight. Technically I am a single parent with only 1 income (I don’t receive child support since neither father has a job) & you’d think id qualify for assistance but no I make too much money. I am a hard worker & need just a little to get by but California instead provides for the lazy, the illegals & the drug addicts. Am I bitter? Yes. Am I angry & sad? Yes. I’ve had a job since I was 15 & I believe I am entitled to assistance. I want to work & provide for my family but what I make is not enough. California is expensive. I want to leave this state to start a new life, to live happier & not have to struggle. But where do I go? Luckily, the company I work for has offices all over the country. My lease ends in august but I want out sooner. I want to leave now. I want to get away from my past & all the things holding me down. I have a ling list of things I am need of & desperately have to get rid of..debts, a new car, people. If only I could win the lottery or get a grant of some sort. I want to go back to school & become someone better, someone my kids can look up to. As of right now I am half way done with my AA, & I am still undecided about what career I want. I’ve always loved doing hair, makeup & beauty…I want to own a beauty spa & salon. But, yes there’s always a but in my sentences, beauty school takes a long time & requires me to quit my job. Unfortunately I can’t do that. I would be a happy woman if I could. For now..I am a pharmacy technician at a company that works us like animals.
Hello Good Morning Internet: 2011 has been the year of outrage. Add Gosling being robbed of “Sexiest Man Alive” to that list.
Im 26 years old with 2 kids, a newborn & a 3 year old, & I have little to show for all the hard work I’ve done over the past 26 years. I’ve accomplished little & have gotten into more trouble then necessary. Both my kids fathers, yes different dads, want little to nothing to do with them (my fault) so I am raising them alone & on the edge of a nervous breakdown. I bitch & moan about hating my life when I alone have ruined it. I should’ve waited to find a man who loved me for all that I am before having kids. I was (& still am) married to a guy I started dating when I was 16. Why did I get married? I was 19 & I knew it wasn’t for love or a better life for me but only for him to have a better life. There was no trust, honesty, faithfulness on either one of our parts or even a mutual like for each other. We may have loved one another but that’s all we had. We forced ourselves to make it work. A year and a half later I left after we physically fought. The fighting was a constant thing. He wasn’t the “if I can’t have you no one else can” type. He had already found someone else, whom he’s still with & they have a child together. I had been seeing someone else too but wasn’t quite serious because I had hoped my marriage would work. I was a naive 20 year old though. My parents divorced when I was 4 & my dad remarried, twice. My mom had found a douche bag boyfriend who treated her horribly but was with til she died (in 2003). I have subconsciously based all my relationships on what id seen with my parents. My dad had different women all the time & my mom seemed to enjoy being treated like crap. They both abandoned my brother & I for their relationships..we came second. I find myself with men, not just many different ones hence the 2 kids from different dads but ones who don’t appreciate me or treat me like a doormat. I’ve had very few good men in my life & I sabotage every good relationship. although my ex husband & I are still talking I resent everything about him. I can say he’s a good person though. My daughter is not his child but damn he loves her & cares for her like she was his own. She calls him dada & likes him alot more than me. I want a divorce but I have yet to file for one after 6 years of not being together. What’s stopping me? Im not sure at this point. I know there’s never a chance of reconciliation & nor do I want to be with him so I guess its laziness or lack of tine to do it. For a long time I had used the excuse that he’s the only guy who I had dated to meet & know my mom. That had meant the world to me. But now I find myself questioning whether or not that matters anymore. She’s been gone for almost 9 years. Other then my sons father he’s been the only guy to meet my dad & his side of the family. Is that also the reason I’ve hung onto him? I don’t know…
